


Shattered Dreams

by MaryByU



Series: Love, Lies and Lyrics [1]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alpha Jeon Jungkook, Alpha Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Alpha Kim Seokjin | Jin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Beta Kim Namjoon | RM, Beta Kim Taehyung | V, Chatting & Messaging, Cute Park Jimin (BTS), Falling In Love, Fluff, Idol Jeon Jungkook, Idol Kim Taehyung | V, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga & Park Jimin Are Best Friends, Minor Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM, Omega Min Yoongi | Suga, Omega Park Jimin (BTS), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Park Jimin (BTS) is a Sweetheart, Producer Kim Namjoon | RM, Sad Ending, Sad Jeon Jungkook, Story part of a series, so it's not the ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23449309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryByU/pseuds/MaryByU
Summary: Being an Idol was hard, there wasn’t a time when Jungkook could breathe properly, but the worst part was the loneliness. All he wanted was to meet his other half, to love and be loved by someone.To feel the great love that his fans couldn't fill him with and that he would talk about on his songs.But with his life, he couldn’t trust anyone.Everything started with a text who wasn’t destined to him, and Jungkook wanted that small connection with someone who didn’t know who he was.With the hope that maybe, someone will like him for him, and not his face or name.Even if for that he has to lie about who he really was.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM, Kim Taehyung | V/Min Yoongi | Suga
Series: Love, Lies and Lyrics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771798
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1




	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT   
> I'm sorry, I needed to ad a part to this chapter, i indicate where to start for the one who already read the first part.  
> The next chapter would be updated soon.
> 
> (!!! : please read the lyrics for every chapter, they are important for the story, its not a real song, I whrie it myself (im not a song writer but I did my best)  
> Please leave a feedback !!

Love was something I didn’t take seriously

Maybe because I never loved before

But a single letter made me think again

How much my words were so empty

[Letter to someone – Jungkook Solo]

He didn’t know when he had started to consider this as a job.

But being an idol wasn’t a source of happiness anymore for Jungkook, he loved singing, it was basically why he was here now, but something under the spotlight was making him weak, making him want to close himself in a room and never comeback.

In the beginning, he loved concert, loved interacting with fans, and mostly just loved whatever comes with the job, he never complained about anything and had followed everything the management would ask of him. Jungkook was just so tired.

And not just physically.

The tour had ended some days ago, leaving their body and head broken. Leaving them completely empty and tired.

They had a last fan meeting in a few hours before officially going on a break, but Jungkook didn’t know if a break would be enough at this point.

Taehyung, his bandmate, was feeling the same, eyes closed and letting the Noonas doing their job without complaining. The older hadn’t sleep last night looking at his dark circles and knowing him it wasn’t a new problem but something that was lasting a little too long.

Maybe it was the result of their world tour, or just their body trying to shut off, but it was putting a toll on both of them.

He had a hard time keeping a smile on his face, it wasn’t about his body pain anymore, something in him, in his heart was feeling empty, he had think that maybe it was because of his approaching rut, and by it, he meant the lack of partner, but it had never been a problem so far, and the feeling was starting to last for weeks now.

His Alpha was used to passed it alone and Jungkook would feel just fine during it.

He tried to ignore it, letting his eyes fall shut when the Noonas gesture him to get his make up done. Trying to think about anything that wasn’t the hours to come and with it the rictus he would have to put on his face for the cameras.

Jungkook was grateful really, he had done everything after being an idol, had gone everywhere and didn’t regretted one day, but the feeling was putting a toll on him, a toll that started to tighten up around him. He had talk to Taehyung days ago, asking him if it was normal, if what he was feeling was normal, but the older hadn’t answers, neither their managers who ask him to go to a doctor and would just path his shoulder when he would pass by them since then.

So he tried not to dwell on it when he see no one seems to take it seriously, he tried to ignore his heavy heart, and the wrong feeling in his chest, he tried. Without any success.

When his make up and hair were done, he spray heavily a scent blocker on himself, something they would always do on big event like this one when they would touch their fans hand and would be to close, to prevent any accident. When his ready waiting for Taehyung to come, he takes a selfie with his phone and post it on their twitter with the caption “I always wanted a handwriting latter, would you give me one?”

It was part of his job, reeling them, making them feel that eh was here, when he was not.

He takes many breath waiting for Taehyung, looking at the fan meeting already filled with fans, there scent hitting him badly and making his Alpha uneasy, he tried to gain the happiness he would have felt doing this months ago, trying to put a smile on his face, even it wasn’t a real one.

It was his job after all.

\------------- START OF THE ADDED PART --------------

The fan meeting passed slowly, full of handshake and smile and autograph that never stop. Taehyung was the one entertaining them, the one laughing at their joke and joking with them, the one smiling, cutely, eyes meeting them to make them blush, and Jungkook was so grateful.

He felt himself loose many time, trying to keep his smile on his face, grinning when his fans would start laughing for whatever reason, and taking their hands when she or he would be too shy just to make them blush, in the end he was just trying to convey happiness without falling his job.

He shouldn’t be doing this that way, shouldn’t be forcing himself to show his gratitude toward them, or how much they meant for him. Certainly not when it was the last event before a long time, it had been already announced that they will go on a break after tonight, the first one since their debut and the knowledge was making the meeting all more special for all of them.

At least for the fans.

He could hear the fan chant outside of the fan meeting room, they were many waiting outside for them to go home, cheering loudly enough that he could feel the table tremble under his arms.

And normally it would have amazed him how much people love them, how much impact and care they had for them. But not today, today he didn’t know what was wrong with him.

If ever he had a power, he would have chosen the capacity to bottle happiness for listening to them eternally and be able to feel what was being happy.

Because at the moment he wasn’t, at all.

He catches Taehyung glance many time, ignoring it when the older would silently ask him what was wrong and trying to concentrate on what was going on around him.

During the event, a box had been kept in front of the two of them, filling with had written letters that the alpha duo had ask in their social media the day before because “they wanted to read their fan heart during their break” He could see some fans bringing their friends one to, dozen of dozen of letter filing the box quickly, some heavy just by their sight, other containing probably just a single page.

There was too many in the end, but enough for the next months to come.

He tried to be happy, to burn their faces in their mind and not forget them, hyping them with songs when he wasn’t able to have a discussion with like Taehyung, but even that was hard.

The place was filled with a sad scent, the more the last minute were approaching before they had to say goodbye, the more their scent was becoming heavy. And it brings tears in Jungkook eyes but not for the reason his fans seem to believe.

“Don’t cry oppa !! We’ll cry too !! We’ll meet again, don’t cry !!”

And Jungkook smile wetly, looking at them and wiping quickly tears that hadn’t fall yet, smiling because he wasn’t emotional for the reason they seem to think, it wasn’t the first time, his or Taehyung feelings wasn’t going through the barriers between them and their fans, but it would hurt everytime knowing that in the end, they don’t see the real them.

Because the reason of his tears was how he wanted the time to go faster so he can say his goodbye quickly.

When they joined backstage, hands waving and big smile wavering on their face, Taehyung passed his arm around his shoulder making him feel less tense with his familiar presence enveloping him, he let a long breath out, feeling every ach of his heart, the only physical memory of the night.

They had time before going home and he was mentally preparing himself for the way outside, hand searching for his phone that he had leave on the coffee table before the fan meeting that he found on his dressing table, he ignore the messages from an unknown number, putting his phone in his bag before removing his own make up.

He would always do it on his own, giving himself some minute to breath alone in front of his mirror, eyes not meeting his own reflection, but it was the moment when would slowly become himself, removing slowly the Jeon Jungkook the world knew.

It was also the moment, he could finally breath in Taehyung natural scent for a few minutes and makes him feel like home, when they were alone backstage, changing to their normal clothes who carry the older scent. It was short, but at least enough to leave the building with face mask and hand around Taehyung shoulder to guide him in their car.

They don’t talk, Taehyung seems too tired to even smile, they were finally in the end of their schedule, so it was normal for them to be in that state, even if Jungkook was feeling like death.

He let Taehyung half dragged him in the backseats, nose clutching to the older scent still clouded with scent blocker and head falling in his shoulder.

The road to their apartment was long, traffic had taken road to this part of the city, night had advanced, and it was maybe past midnight, but comparing to other night when they would get home at three in the morning, they were early.

That night, seeking the older scent for comfort, he stays by his side and lay down on his bed, breathing in Taehyung real scent, the one of a Beta.

\---------- END ADDED PART --------------------


	3. Chapter 3

We were lost in the desert together

Heart dried up with our own self

Looking around for nothing but life

That’s how I find you looking at me

[Letter to someone – Jungkook Solo]

Those feelings have started months ago, he remembered. When he saw how his brother was happy and satisfied with his wedding.

He hadn’t seen him for months back then, have received just an invitation that his wedding was taking place weeks later, it had been a surprise considering Junhyun was as single as him the last time they talked.

The wedding had been amazing, a small ceremony with families and friends, it wasn’t something special, but their scent of happiness and contentment had filled the hall making it special for him.

The smile on his hyung face was the one of someone who had achieved everything, something that Jungkook had never think about before.

He wasn’t jealous, not at all

He had wanted to be a singer since he knew how to sing, it was his dream, that he had worked hard to achieve, but maybe he hadn’t thought of the end of it.

He hadn’t thought of the him in ten, twenty years neither did he think of where his life would end.

One day he would be too old to be on scene, to ugly to be loved for his face or ask any new contract, his voice too raspy and broken to sing, he would lose what he had today. It was a knowledge he had, but never think about seriously.

He remembered how his father had sit him down before his debut, when he was still just an unpresented pup, with too much dream in his head and eyes still full of hope. He didn’t know what his dream really involved, sometime he felt like he was too young back then, that maybe if he was a little older, a little less naive, he would have understand the burden he would carry years after and maybe would have think twice before starting his trainee days, but in the end he didn’t regret anything even after his father words.

“You’re free to achieve your dream pup, but you have to make sure those dreams would bring you the satisfaction to get old, and not the fear of it. Sometimes a dream isn’t a dream anymore if you fear the end of it.”

And today, Jungkook fear to be old, fear to be left aside and alone, feared to lose everything he had built. He wasn’t satisfied like he was used to, his everyday life had become a mantra of “one more day, one more time, one more chance”

He had big dream before debuted, dreams that he knew wasn’t supposed to be the finality of his life, that were supposed to be think farer, but Jungkook didn’t know how, he was to alone, too lost in his thought to see straight.

Would he sing all his life ? Would he be on scene all his life ? Would he be loved like now all his life ?

The answer was always no, but then, who he was ? what was his life supposed to be ?

Looking at his brother weeding, he had think that his hyung had achieved everything he wanted, had in hands all the happiness he had ever think of, he was complete with himself, maybe it was because he mated and find his other half ? But Jungkook wasn’t in a position to think of his love life.

He wasn’t even in a position to think of his well being.

His alpha was upset most of the time because of his silence, bitter scent that he had to hide with scent blocker most of the time, he had started to not think about it, to keep his alpha quiet and just do what he was supposed to without listening to his biology and with years his alpha had started to disappear, to keep silence, to nit react at all, like he was death.

Everything was too much for Jungkook, Taehyung will understand if he talks to him, but the older didn’t have his wolf to understand the intensities of it yet, and maybe that was why he could always cling to him.

Beta scent were always a comfort for others, like a mother or brother presence, but Taehyung’s was a little different, a little heartier, his scent hadn’t change since he knew him, because he had never presented.

The duo had debuted when they were still pup, he had grow with his fans, had seen the world with them. And Taehyung had been the main anchor of it, the older, the one he would listen when he was lost, and the one who knew what was right for his alpha even if he would never listen.

He was the one to show him the right thing to do, even if the older alpha never wakes up, it didn’t mean it would never.

“It just a late blooming, Kookie, don’t worry, it would happen at some point.” Taehyung would say with a small smile, but Jungkook could see how it hurt him to be labeled as Beta in the public, his stress, burden and this life had put a toll on the older too. In the end no one was happy.

The next day, he woke up past noon.

The sun was shining brightly trough the curtain, he was still in his yesterday clothes, he didn’t even take off his socks last night, too tired to do anything.

Taehyung was still asleep next to him, body wrapped around his like a koala, and it was cute and endearing to know that the older still couldn’t sleep without something to hold, but not when he was suffocating form hotness.

He hadn’t slept a lot in his room in the past weeks, the places seem like a hotel room, untouched, too clean, too empty. They had moved in just months ago before going on tour and he didn’t really had time to decorate it, less to open his boxes that he didn’t let anyone touch.

The atmosphere wasn’t cold in his room, but it didn’t make him want to stay at all, there wasn’t comfortable feeling in it like he wasn’t home yet.

Yawning, he untangled himself from the older who whine before taking the pillow as a cuddler instead.

With the break he had decided to go home back to Busan to see his own family, he hadn’t see them since before the world tout, keeping with them just by text and sometimes facecam when he wasn’t too tired or late, wasn’t enough. Sometimes he had the feeling that they didn’t knew him or that he didn’t knew them at all, and it would always create a weird atmosphere were none of them would talk, not knowing what to say. It was too strange to have a family with who you weren’t close anymore.

The trip was already planned, his baggage were ready since days and his family already knew he was coming back today, all he had to do was get ready and wait for his manager to come who will drop him there before continuing his road, mostly to make sure he will get safely without any fans following him.

Eyes half lidded, he takes his phone from the nightstand looking at his screen showing him the same unread message from yesterday, he didn’t open them, already sighing about changing his number again. It was the third time this year that he had received weird text from sasaeng, and it was just April.

He had to send them to his manager to be dealt with again, it had happened to Taehyung too before, contrary to him it wasn’t just fans who wanted to say Hello.

The message was not some “oppa” or “I love you” or weird pic, it had been death threat, with picture that even Jungkook had wanted to never see. Taehyung had been paled and quiet for weeks after that, changing number every time he gets something from an unknown number.

Putting his phone aside, he sits up, his body was aching since days now, his sore muscle screaming at him to stay put, but he had to prepare himself for the day, mostly to leave on time.

It takes him time to wash himself and dry his hair, wearing clothes he was comfortable with before waiting for a call seated in the living room with his bags put aside, Taehyung was still sleeping so he send him a few text for him to know where he was, it wasn’t the first time one of them would go home without saying goodbye to the other.

But contrary to before, for once thinking about the trip, he was feeling like he could finally breathe again.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello,  
This is not an update.  
I’m putting this AU on hold, it’s not discontinued at all.  
I made the mistake to start writing and posting too many AU at once and now I’m like... sleep deprived ? Overload ? Overworked ? (I’ll think of a good word...)  
So like I decide to fiynish the AU that are advanced enough first or near the end or at least far enough in the story that stopping them would be a crime.  
(It doesn’t mean that this AU doesn’t deserved better but I have to select... I’m sorry if this one is your favorite...)  
So this AU ISN’T stopped, I promise. It’s just on a small break (2/4 months)  
I invite you to read my other stories during that time and hope you to read them.  
If you want to leave a comment, feedback, please do it in the other chapters, this one would be deleted when I started this story again.  
For a question, my TWT :MaryByYou  
Thanks a lot for your patience and stay safe.


End file.
